Strong and Sleepy
A love/hate relationship with light and summer.
The days are long. So long I’m falling asleep in the light and not experiencing darkness for days at a time. I’ve lived with this in the Pacific Northwest for 15 years now. It’s beautiful and welcome, yet this year I’m finding the seasonal transition difficult in a brand new way. I am now on depression/ADHD medication (Wellbutrin), which helps me beat lack of motivation and generally feel more present in the world. It also comes with less desire to sleep. But I’m still me, and I still need 8+ hours every night (unfortunately), so coming in around 7 hours or less since evening began stretching until 10pm is making me tired. That and allergies (also new to me in the last few years; what the heck, body?) are creating significant brain fog.
I’ve dealt with some form of brain fog my whole life: not being able to listen in class, falling asleep during any kind of presentation or movie, dissociating from conversations, forgetting what someone just said to me… etc. Wellbutrin really seemed to be helping for a while, but now I’m back to having to focus extra hard during conversations and admin work. It feels like responsibilities are scampering off without me. To cope I’m being even more physically active, because moving my body around distracts me from the heavy lifting my brain is doing. Which is also probably contributing to my energy drain.
So, I feel strong but sleepy. I also feel really lucky and loved. And somewhat out of control. This is a strange and beautiful time!
A love/hate relationship with summer
Most PNW residents during early summer would say something along the lines of, “Things are ramping up, I have something scheduled every freaking day, and I’m already so so tired.” I’ve learned from past years that I can’t keep up with a crazy schedule like this, but it doesn’t stop me from pushing the limits. Everything outside is green and bursting at its seams. That’s exactly how I feel.
I kicked off summer with some friends on a backpacking overnight at Baker Lake. I planned this one a few months in advance, which I’m glad I did. It led me down a lot of good research paths, including outdoor gear I’m missing and how to find spots to hike/camp. During my downtime lately I’ve been passively watching bouldering competitions while reading about adventures and adding them to lists. We did this one a couple weeks ago, and up next I like the looks of Thunder Creek, North Fork Skokomish River, and Tubal Cain Mine.
I’m also in the process of putting together a “go bag” for emergencies alongside beefing up my camping supplies and learning how to use them. As someone who doesn’t always put myself in positions to have to learn new things, (ouch, ego) this is challenging for me. However, I’ve said it a lot since starting this blog: I want to push towards a “learning era”. Take classes, try new things, and learn how to use more fabrication tools so I can make any art idea that pops into my head.
Art
I got a residency! It’s a week-long stay on Cuttyhunk Island off of Massachusetts. I like how much structure there is in order to make the most of such a short time, and I look forward to learning from visiting professionals and my fellow artists in residence. September is going to be an extremely busy month for me!
I’m currently paused on this piece featuring a busy fleur de lis pattern and tulips on a table. Now that I’ve put in so many hours getting the background and greenery to where I want them, I am scared to continue with my plan of adding embroidery. It will be on the tulips themselves as well as a key resting on the table. I’ve done some tests and am working up to attacking the canvas itself.
The piece is meant to tell a subtle story and create a confusing, vibrating space for the viewer to fall into Alice-in-Wonderland-style. In the meantime I’m distracting myself with creating something for the Telephone art game (I got such a cool prompt to work from!) and lots of writing poetry.
Four of my pieces are up at Sparklebarn, a furniture and decor store in Ballard. The art is curated by Jeremy Buben of the Foodart Collection, the Hideout, etc. He does a lot around town to support artists, and I’m really happy to know him.
Volunteering
I am enjoying my volunteer work for three different art orgs in Seattle. I know I’ve mentioned The Fishbowl before: they are a community-centered QTBIPOC gallery, artist studios, and event-holding organization. I’m helping them put together a workflow so that their various teams have a roadmap to follow and can more easily on-board new volunteers (which will be my longer-term role once the systems are in place). It’s definitely how my brain works, and I’m grateful to be able to collaborate with such an awesome group of people.
I’m also starting volunteer shifts with KEXP’s hospitality team. The role supports in-studio sessions by playing host for visiting bands and ensuring everyone gets where they need to go. I’ve done my training, and my first “shadow shift” is on the 27th for the artist Samantha Crain. I really like the music I’ve heard from her on Sounds of Survivance. Yes, I am a giant KEXP nerd, and I don’t care who knows it.
I’ve worked with Belltown Artwalk for several years now, which is how I initially got plugged into the Seattle arts network. I volunteer when I can for their Slip Gallery shifts, and I have a couple this month for their Queer Joy show.
It’s Pride!
Being queer has become heavier in the last several months as the hits just keep coming to the most vulnerable of our community. I want to wrap up and protect all the sweet humans who don’t deserve to be bullied by political leadership with too much power over their health and very existence. I’m coping by doing what I can to stay on top of the news without overwhelming my nervous system, donating as much as I can (Trevor Project is fantastic, please support them!!), and trying to let myself feel joy during this Pride month.
A lot has changed for me this year, and my freedom to go on dates and find lovely, queer community has arrived alongside lots of humanitarian devastation. How do we reconcile happiness while others suffer? Is that the dark side of queer joy?
I am doing my best to celebrate myself. I feel attractive, wanted, and enjoyed by my dates, partner, and friends. I am relatively pain-free. I am physically strong and getting emotionally stronger. I am capable. I am grateful to the past me who worked hard to get me here.
That’s about it for now. Happy Summer Solstice! Please subscribe to this Substack for free, check out my website, and invite me for coffee or to have a studio visit.
website: alainaarts.com
email: alainaarts@gmail.com
insta: @gobbeldigook
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Yess! Congratulations on the residency! Sending lots of love this Pride Month!